In a world where skeptics still believe charging an EV requires camping gear and a 4-hour audiobook, one Tesla owner has shattered expectations—and possibly journalism itself—by simultaneously relieving his bladder and juicing up his car.
Nate Nieri, 34, was en route to the Jersey Shore when biology struck. Expecting only urinals and vending machines, he instead discovered a row of Tesla Superchargers. “I went in, peed, came back, grabbed a snack—bam, 13% more battery,” Nieri recalled, visibly stunned that electrons could flow at the same speed as Funyuns.
Analysts warn this event could destabilize the oil industry. “If people realize charging can be done while performing ancient human rituals like peeing or buying Combos, Big Gas is finished,” one insider said while clutching a gas pump nozzle like a rosary.
Critics, however, remain unimpressed. “Drive 525 miles without stopping again… oh, you can’t?” sneered one commenter, moments before admitting they themselves have never gone 525 miles without stopping to scream at traffic or buy a Diet Coke.
Meanwhile, researchers at the Institute of Overexplained Car Blogs are drafting peer-reviewed protocols for “pee-optimized charging” and debating whether to rename bladder urgency as “Pre-Conditioning 2.0.”
Nieri, unfazed, simply shrugged: “It didn’t add any time. I was gonna pee anyway.”
Historians already rank this moment alongside the moon landing, the fall of the Berlin Wall, and the time somebody microwaved a Pop-Tart in the office kitchen.