A Linux kernel bug introduced in 2010 has reportedly been discovered inside KVM, where it has spent the last 16 years quietly aging like a cursed bottle of wine in the crawlspace of modern infrastructure. The vulnerability, Januscape, can allegedly allow a malicious virtual machine to break out of its guest environment and run code […]
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WASHINGTON—In a major breakthrough for Americans bravely trying to survive the modern retail experience, consumers can now split the cost of a hoodie, air fryer, or emotionally necessary Target run into four painless payments that only become psychologically devastating after the third reminder email. Financial experts praised Buy Now, Pay Later services for giving shoppers […]
In a stunning act of long-term commitment, a Linux kernel vulnerability reportedly introduced in 2010 has emerged from hiding to remind sysadmins that “stable” and “emotionally stable” are two very different things. The bug, known as Januscape, affects KVM and may allow a malicious virtual machine to escape into the host, which experts describe as […]
A daring, almost confrontational entry in the post-leftover starch movement, this dish announces itself with the confidence of something that should not exist, yet somehow demands to be finished standing over the sink. The fries, once crisp in a previous life, return here as soft, oil-kissed relics — collapsing gently into the pasta like elderly […]
Area man and self-declared “starch visionary” has reportedly changed the course of cuisine after microwaving soggy-ish fries alongside leftover pasta and realizing the result was not a mistake, but a beautiful swamp of carbohydrates. “What the cowards call ‘wet fries,’ I call texture,” he said, standing over a steaming bowl of noodle-potato chaos that looked […]
In what culinary historians are already calling “a cry for help, but with potential,” one local man has announced that microwaving soggy-ish leftover fries alongside pasta creates what can only be described as a glorious, starch-forward goulash. “People hear ‘wet fries’ and they panic,” he said, stirring a bowl containing noodles, limp potatoes, and the […]
NEWARK, CA — Lucid Motors announced this week that it remains fully committed to defeating Tesla, provided Tesla agrees to stop building cars, cutting prices, printing memes, launching robotaxis, distracting investors with Optimus videos, and generally behaving like a publicly traded fever dream. The luxury EV maker entered 2026 with award-winning technology, a stunning SUV, […]
MENLO PARK, CA—In a major leap forward for the AI industry, Meta reportedly plans to launch a cloud infrastructure business, bravely entering a market currently underserved by only Amazon, Microsoft, Google, Oracle, IBM, and every company with a spare warehouse full of GPUs. Sources say the new platform will sell access to AI compute and […]
HUNTLEY, IL — A Talamore homeowner has listed their “practically brand-new” house just two years after buying it, reassuring prospective buyers that absolutely everything is new, including the fresh emotional attachment they’ll develop to the unfinished basement they’ve been promising to turn into a golf simulator “someday.” The 3,084-square-foot home recently sold for $588,000 on […]
ELGIN, IL — District U-46 officials announced an unexpected $2 million increase to Kimball Middle School’s renovation after construction crews made the startling discovery that a building constructed decades ago contained… decades-old building components. “We were as surprised as anyone to learn the old roof was old, the old windows were old, and the mechanical […]