A daring, almost confrontational entry in the post-leftover starch movement, this dish announces itself with the confidence of something that should not exist, yet somehow demands to be finished standing over the sink. The fries, once crisp in a previous life, return here as soft, oil-kissed relics — collapsing gently into the pasta like elderly […]
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Area man and self-declared “starch visionary” has reportedly changed the course of cuisine after microwaving soggy-ish fries alongside leftover pasta and realizing the result was not a mistake, but a beautiful swamp of carbohydrates. “What the cowards call ‘wet fries,’ I call texture,” he said, standing over a steaming bowl of noodle-potato chaos that looked […]
In what culinary historians are already calling “a cry for help, but with potential,” one local man has announced that microwaving soggy-ish leftover fries alongside pasta creates what can only be described as a glorious, starch-forward goulash. “People hear ‘wet fries’ and they panic,” he said, stirring a bowl containing noodles, limp potatoes, and the […]
NEWARK, CA — Lucid Motors announced this week that it remains fully committed to defeating Tesla, provided Tesla agrees to stop building cars, cutting prices, printing memes, launching robotaxis, distracting investors with Optimus videos, and generally behaving like a publicly traded fever dream. The luxury EV maker entered 2026 with award-winning technology, a stunning SUV, […]
MENLO PARK, CA—In a major leap forward for the AI industry, Meta reportedly plans to launch a cloud infrastructure business, bravely entering a market currently underserved by only Amazon, Microsoft, Google, Oracle, IBM, and every company with a spare warehouse full of GPUs. Sources say the new platform will sell access to AI compute and […]
HUNTLEY, IL — A Talamore homeowner has listed their “practically brand-new” house just two years after buying it, reassuring prospective buyers that absolutely everything is new, including the fresh emotional attachment they’ll develop to the unfinished basement they’ve been promising to turn into a golf simulator “someday.” The 3,084-square-foot home recently sold for $588,000 on […]
ELGIN, IL — District U-46 officials announced an unexpected $2 million increase to Kimball Middle School’s renovation after construction crews made the startling discovery that a building constructed decades ago contained… decades-old building components. “We were as surprised as anyone to learn the old roof was old, the old windows were old, and the mechanical […]
SAN FRANCISCO—Calling it “the future of transportation,” Uber today unveiled footage of CEO Dara Khosrowshahi confidently riding in a robotaxi that autonomously handled nearly every driving task while a human sat inches away, silently preparing to save everyone if things became interesting. Witnesses described the demonstration as “extremely impressive” and “almost exactly like teaching your […]
WASHINGTON — Analysts confirmed this week that the U.S. electric vehicle market is not so much “collapsing” as it is “doing interpretive dance across 50 different state policy environments.” After the federal EV tax credit was killed, experts initially feared the market would simply fall off a cliff. Instead, it did something far more American: […]
BERLIN — German officials confirmed this week that the country’s electric vehicle charging network is progressing nicely, apart from the minor issue that many of the chargers are not yet profitable, enough people are not using them, the hardware is getting outdated too quickly, and discount grocery stores are now selling electricity like it’s a […]