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Yahoo Scout Launches as AI Search Engine, Reminds Everyone Yahoo Still Exists

SUNNYVALE, CA — In a bold move that stunned 2007, Yahoo has unveiled its latest innovation: Yahoo Scout, a whimsical, AI-powered search companion designed to answer your questions with personality, nostalgia, and the lingering scent of dial-up modems. According to Yahoo, Scout isn’t just a search engine — it’s a “fun, friendly guide to the […]

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Tesla Announces New Winter Charging Solution: Complimentary Hair Dryer Included With Every Vehicle

PALO ALTO, CA — In a move executives are calling “bold, elegant, and extremely on-brand,” Tesla announced Tuesday that all vehicles will now ship with a factory-approved hair dryer, designed specifically for thawing frozen charging ports after automatic car washes in 4-degree weather. According to Tesla, the new accessory—branded the Tesla Thermal Personal Air Movement […]

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OpenAI Accidentally Builds Autistic English Professor Who Only Speaks in Logic Trees

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — In a shocking announcement this week, OpenAI CEO Sam Altman admitted the company “screwed up” the writing abilities of GPT-5.2, the latest version of their flagship AI model, by focusing too heavily on coding and logic. “It can build a nuclear reactor in Python, but can’t write a birthday card without […]

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Industrial Suicide, Featuring the Vinyl-Only iPhone

There’s a special kind of leadership skill that gets praised in boardrooms, TED Talks, and LinkedIn posts written by people who own at least two vests. It’s called “anticipating the future.” Which sounds noble, cinematic, almost presidential. Like you’re standing on a mountain with your sleeves rolled up, squinting into the horizon, calmly sensing danger… […]

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Google Ads “Best Practices”: 11 Easy Ways to Optimize Your Way Into Bankruptcy

There are two versions of Google Ads. There’s the version small business owners think they’re buying: “I’m paying to show up when people search for what I sell.” And then there’s the version Google actually sells you: “Congratulations — you’re now the proud sponsor of curiosity.” Welcome to the thrilling world of recommendations, optimization scores, […]

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