CASTEL GANDOLFO, ITALY — In what experts are already calling “Eataly with more guilt,” Pope Leo XIV announced Friday that Chicago chef Art Smith and restaurateur Phil Stefani will open a new restaurant inside the Vatican’s 135-acre Borgo Laudato Si’ ecological training center.
The culinary partnership, blessed personally by the Illinois Restaurant Association, will reportedly feature a rotating seasonal menu of farm-fresh produce, sustainable proteins, and exactly one fish that somehow feeds 5,000 guests.
Local officials praised the move, noting the restaurant will be the only dining destination in Borgo Laudato Si’—perfect for pilgrims who want to learn about ecology and then immediately undermine it by ordering a 48-ounce porterhouse.
“This is about ecological stewardship,” Pope Leo XIV said, while unveiling a wood-fired pizza oven designed to resemble the Burning Bush. “And also about introducing the Italian countryside to authentic Chicago deep dish, which is basically our version of a sacrament.”
The restaurant will also serve as the exclusive caterer for all Vatican functions, including conclaves, papal inaugurations, and casual wine-and-cheese exorcisms. Sources confirm the dessert menu will feature “Our Lady of Tiramisù,” guaranteed to heal at least minor ankle sprains if consumed with enough espresso.
Reservations will be available via OpenTable, though officials warn that arriving without one will require you to confess every time you’ve pretended to like kale.