DETROIT, MI — The Chicago Bears added another chapter to their ongoing tragicomedy Sunday, when referees activated what analysts are now calling “NFL Quantum Mode,” allowing the Lions to score a backbreaking touchdown in a timeline where the half was technically already over.
Witnesses say the play began when rookie Isaac TeSlaa (no relation to Elon, but equally capable of shocking Bears fans) made a one-handed grab that left two officials staring at each other like Spider-Man memes brought to life. One ruled him out of bounds, the other ruled him in, and together they created a pocket universe where the Lions’ offense could continue running plays indefinitely.
“I swear I heard the clock hit zero,” said one fan, “but then they just… kept playing football. I think I aged three years during the review.”
Ben Johnson, Detroit’s offensive coordinator, admitted he had already sent his team to the locker room before officials dragged them back onto the field. “Honestly, I thought we were done,” he said, “but then the ref said, ‘Wait, we just reversed the reversal of the original call you never saw because it was imaginary.’ At that point, I figured, why not score again?”
NFL Vice President of Instant Replay Mark Butterworth later issued a statement clarifying the decision:
“After extensive review, we determined that the receiver both was and was not out of bounds, simultaneously. By league rules, that creates a Schrödinger’s Play scenario. The offense is therefore granted one untimed touchdown to preserve universal balance.”
The Bears, who entered halftime down two scores, later went on to lose by the emotional equivalent of several galaxies. Caleb Williams reportedly asked if he could appeal the loss to the Supreme Court, but was informed the Justices were already busy reviewing whether the Tuck Rule applies to human suffering.
Fans are calling for major reform, or at least for referees to be fitted with shock collars that activate when they use the phrase “after further review.”
“Look, we expect to lose,” one Chicago fan explained. “We just want to lose in this reality, not 14 parallel ones.”