LONDON — British driving schools report that one in four new drivers are now skipping manual transmission tests, citing the inevitable electric-car future. Meanwhile, the United States responded by announcing that it had already solved this problem decades ago by refusing to learn how to drive properly in the first place.
Experts say the UK’s transition to automatics is a rational response to the 2030 petrol-and-diesel ban. In contrast, American drivers insist the only rational response to climate change is buying a bigger truck “because if the world’s gonna end, might as well go out towing something.”
Driving instructors say the shift away from manuals is freeing a new generation from the trauma of stalling at intersections. “Today’s learners don’t want to juggle a clutch pedal,” said one UK instructor. “They want to juggle whether their EV can make it from Pret A Manger to Tesco without dying.”
Meanwhile, Americans expressed confusion over the entire premise of a “manual transmission.” One Texan interviewed outside a Buc-ee’s asked, “Wait, you mean a car where you have to think before flooring it? Sounds communist.”
The UK government celebrated the news, saying this will prepare citizens for a clean, green, zero-emission future. The U.S. countered by promising that, by 2030, Americans will still be idling in the McDonald’s drive-thru, proudly burning gas, and complaining that EV chargers are part of a “globalist plot.”
Transportation analysts predict that by the next decade, 100% of UK drivers will have gone automatic — and 100% of Americans will still be complaining that they “can’t feel the engine” when they rent a Nissan Leaf on vacation.