TURKEY – Archaeologists and sweaty tourists alike were stunned this week to learn that a 540km hiking trail along Turkey’s Mediterranean coast is basically the world’s first Constitutional Convention—only with more tombs and better sea views.
“The Lycians invented proportional representation, built cliffside tombs, and then had the decency to disappear so we could all pretend we came up with democracy,” said one hiker, wiping hummus off his Merrells. “I just wanted some Instagram shots of goats. Now I have to grapple with the philosophical foundations of the U.S. House of Representatives.”
Locals, however, are less impressed. “Lycians? Never heard of them,” said Iskender, a boatbuilder who appeared to be powered entirely by Efes beer and sun damage. “We came here, we saw some rocks, we saw some tombs, we shrugged. Now you people show up acting like you found Atlantis.”
Meanwhile, American tourists were thrilled to discover that the Lycian League was the blueprint for their democracy — and immediately began arguing over whether the tomb lids were rigged. “This bouleterion was clearly a deep-state plot,” shouted one hiker, live-streaming from Patara. “Why else would six cities get three votes each? Wake up, sheeple!”
Even James Madison, who once cited the Lycian League as inspiration for the U.S. Constitution, was unavailable for comment, mostly because he’s been dead for 200 years — though conspiracy theorists claim his ghost still hikes the trail, muttering about gerrymandering.
As for the tombs, archaeologists confirm they remain empty, which historians now believe is because the ancient Lycians took one look at future American politics and decided, “Yeah, we’re sitting this one out.”