LOS ANGELES—Legendary filmmaker Chris Columbus, known for giving the world Home Alone, Mrs. Doubtfire, and two small indie films you may have heard of (Harry Potter and the Stuff Before it Got Really Dark and Harry Potter and the One With the Big Snake), has officially reacted to HBO’s upcoming Harry Potter series: with the same enthusiasm most of us reserve for leftovers reheated for the fourth time.
On a recent podcast, Columbus admitted he peeked at leaked set photos. “There’s Nick Frost as Hagrid…in literally the same outfit we designed 25 years ago. Like, I’m flattered, but also—did someone at HBO just raid the Warner Bros costume closet and say, ‘Yep, that’s fine, slap it on him’?” Columbus said, sounding like a man who just realized he’s been paying for Peacock for six months by accident.
The director went on to describe the whole reboot as “déjà vu all over again,” which, according to Hollywood insiders, is also the official slogan for every reboot since Fuller House.
Despite insisting he’s not jealous, Columbus subtly reminded everyone that he’s “beyond” the franchise now—having chosen dignity over directing Gremlins 2, and Netflix apparently over wizard children. “There’s nothing left for me to do in the world of Potter,” he added, clearly forgetting that Warner Bros. will greenlight Harry Potter and the Hogwarts Cafeteria: A 12-Episode Prequel by 2027.
When asked about J.K. Rowling’s controversies, Columbus sighed heavily, saying he tries to separate art from artist, which is exactly the same tactic fans have been using since Daniel Radcliffe rapped “Alphabet Aerobics” on Fallon.
Meanwhile, HBO executives denied accusations of recycling, insisting their version will be “totally fresh and unique”—before confirming the new series will also feature a boy wizard with glasses, a castle, and a suspiciously large bird that delivers the mail.