BELLEVILLE, WI — Runners gearing up for Friday’s Last Dot Standing ultramarathon were surprised to learn the event is apparently doubling as a casting call for the next dystopian Stephen King adaptation, according to race organizers and one suspiciously ominous email from Netflix.
The format — run 4.2 miles from Belleville to Dot’s Tavern in under an hour, wait, then run 4.2 miles back, repeat until everyone else drops — has been called “quirky” by some participants and “the closest thing to state-sanctioned psychological warfare” by others.
“Yeah, at first I thought it was just a fun ultra,” said local runner Sarah, nervously re-lacing her shoes. “Then I read the rules again. You run until literally everyone else is gone. It’s basically The Long Walk, but with a tavern stop and fewer government-issued bullets.”
Race director TJM insists the resemblance to King’s novel is purely coincidental, though he did confirm a man in a military trench coat named “The Major” will be present at each checkpoint. “It’s just for atmosphere,” TJM explained while setting up a PA system that will allegedly blast motivational speeches and slow jazz to test runners’ willpower.
Prizes for the event include $500 or 50% of the registration pot, but insiders claim Netflix has sweetened the deal: the last remaining runner will receive a streaming deal, a grim monologue about mortality, and a guaranteed starring role in the gritty remake of The Long Walk.
“I just came for the swag bag,” said one competitor. “Now I’m apparently the protagonist in a King novel, fighting my own mind mile after mile while strangers cheer my physical and psychological disintegration. Cool. Totally fine.”
As of press time, several participants were seen googling “how to fake an ankle injury convincingly” while others began practicing their stoic, thousand-yard stare for when the camera drones inevitably start circling overhead.