CHICAGO—After wandering away from Millennium Park in search of “authentic deep-dish,” 27-year-old tourist Amanda Miller was stunned to discover that Chicago’s 2.7 million residents are not, in fact, all clustered around the Bean waiting to take selfies.
Her journey quickly turned into an accidental city-wide anthropology expedition:
- Downtown / Central (~244k, 9%) – “I thought I was in the real Chicago here,” Amanda said, while accidentally walking into a Fogo de Chão thinking it was a local diner. “But everyone I met just moved here last year and works in finance.”
- North Side (~800k, 30%) – After hopping on the Red Line, she emerged into what she described as “an endless dog parade.” Every single person she asked for directions was holding a latte and explaining which bar is the real Cubs bar.
- West Side (~700k, 25%) – Following Google Maps’ suggestion to “walk west,” Amanda stumbled into a vibrant neighborhood festival and accidentally became the godmother of someone’s quinceañera.
- South Side (~900k, 33%) – Her Uber driver insisted she try Harold’s Chicken, where Amanda realized she’d finally found the actual Chicago she’d been looking for. “Why didn’t the travel guide mention this place instead of Navy Pier?” she asked while licking hot sauce off her fingers.
- Far NW & SW Edges (~500k, 18%) – Amanda’s journey ended when she boarded the wrong Orange Line and found herself in a neighborhood where everyone swore they were from Chicago but immediately gave her driving directions to I-55.
After six hours, three train lines, two confused cops, and one Harold’s combo meal, Amanda concluded: “Turns out Chicago isn’t just one giant pizza place wrapped around the Bean. It’s like five different cities that all yell at you about ketchup on hot dogs.”