MENLO PARK, CA — In a move designed to help retail investors “understand the rules before they accidentally bankrupt themselves,” Robinhood today issued a friendly reminder that day trading only counts if you buy first, then sell.
“Look, we’re not monsters,” said a Robinhood spokesperson while monitoring a chart that looked like a ski slope made of investor tears. “If you sold first, then bought back later, that’s not day trading — that’s just re-entering the market at exactly the wrong time. Completely different rule violation.”
Users across Reddit immediately celebrated the clarification, posting memes of themselves panic-selling at 9:32 a.m. and panic-buying back at 3:59 p.m. “Feels good knowing I didn’t burn one of my three precious day trades,” said one user, moments before realizing he still lost $800 on Tesla options.
Experts say the distinction is critical:
- Buy then Sell: Counts as day trade, counts against your limit, counts against your sanity.
- Sell then Buy: Perfectly legal, but still the fastest way to donate your cash to Wall Street’s yacht fund.
Robinhood says the rule is meant to keep traders safe: “We’re just trying to protect users from over-trading,” the company said in a statement, “so they can slowly bleed out their savings over weeks instead of hours.”