WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump announced today that the White House may begin prosecuting journalists, unveiling what he called “a bold new chapter in law, order, and primetime television.”
“Frankly, folks, we’ve been too nice,” Trump said, gesturing toward an ABC reporter who had just asked a question about Attorney General Pam Bondi’s comments on criminalizing hate speech. “Maybe they’ll have to go after you — ratings would be huge, by the way. Bigger than The Apprentice, believe me.”
The announcement came with a proposed $15 billion lawsuit against The New York Times for being, in Trump’s words, “the official fan club newsletter of Crooked Joe.” The lawsuit follows a $16 million settlement ABC paid earlier this year, which Trump referred to as “a perfect example of free speech working exactly how the Founders intended: by paying me personally.”
The White House later clarified that the prosecutions would be broadcast live, with viewers voting each week on which reporter gets subpoenaed next. NBC has already expressed interest, calling it a “natural follow-up” to The Voice.
Critics warned the plan could erode press freedom, but Trump dismissed those concerns. “We want everything to be fair,” he said. “And if fairness means I get to sue every news outlet until Fox & Friends is the last one standing, that’s just good democracy.”
Sources say the first episode may feature dramatic reenactments of defamation lawsuits, complete with a live studio jury and guest judge Judge Jeanine Pirro shouting “CASE CLOSED!” before commercial breaks.