NEWARK, CA — Lucid Motors announced this week that it remains fully committed to defeating Tesla, provided Tesla agrees to stop building cars, cutting prices, printing memes, launching robotaxis, distracting investors with Optimus videos, and generally behaving like a publicly traded fever dream.
The luxury EV maker entered 2026 with award-winning technology, a stunning SUV, Saudi backing, and the kind of balance sheet that makes accountants whisper, “Inshallah.”
By midyear, Lucid had unveiled its newest product: layoffs.
“We are extremely proud to announce a leaner, more focused Lucid,” said new CEO Silvio Napoli, shortly after deleting the COO position, killing a production shift, and discovering the company had been building factory capacity for customers who were apparently waiting until the cars became collectible by not being delivered.
Lucid produced 5,500 vehicles in Q1 but delivered only 3,093, leaving the remaining units to serve as “range-extended inventory sculptures.”
Industry analysts praised the move.
“Tesla has always struggled with quality control, CEO control, and occasional door alignment,” said one analyst. “But Lucid has innovated in a totally different direction by making gorgeous cars almost nobody buys at scale. That’s real differentiation.”
Meanwhile, Tesla executives reportedly responded by lowering Model Y prices again, adding a fart sound to the turn signal, and watching Lucid’s entire stock chart fit comfortably inside one Cybertruck panel gap.
Lucid’s future now depends on the Cosmos, a sub-$50,000 midsize EV designed to compete in the actual car market instead of the “retired orthodontist with solar panels and a second home in Sedona” market.
The Cosmos is expected to be built first in Saudi Arabia, because nothing says “American EV startup” like shipping semi-assembled cars across the world so they can be completed near a geopolitical stress test.
The company’s Saudi plant, AMP-2, is expected to eventually produce 155,000 vehicles per year, assuming supply chains stabilize, demand materializes, oil politics cooperate, and the Strait of Hormuz stops acting like it has puts on Lucid stock.
Lucid’s largest backer, Saudi Arabia’s Public Investment Fund, has invested more than $9 billion in the company, making Lucid less of a car company and more of a national diversification strategy with leather seats.
Still, executives insist the company is well-positioned.
“We have the best range, the best technology, a world-class SUV, and a loyal customer base,” said one Lucid spokesperson. “Unfortunately, Tesla has a charging network, scale, software, memes, cult energy, and the ability to sell a crossover to every dentist in North America by Tuesday.”
At press time, Lucid said it remained confident it could become the next Tesla, just as soon as it finished surviving the current Lucid.
SUVs & Crossovers