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LOCAL SCHOOL DISTRICT HEROICALLY DISCOVERS 53-Year-Old BUILDING CONTAINS 53-Year-Old BUILDING

ELGIN, IL — District U-46 officials announced an unexpected $2 million increase to Kimball Middle School’s renovation after construction crews made the startling discovery that a building constructed decades ago contained… decades-old building components.

“We were as surprised as anyone to learn the old roof was old, the old windows were old, and the mechanical systems had apparently been operating continuously since the invention of mechanical systems,” officials said while unveiling the district’s innovative ‘Look Behind the Ceiling Tiles’ initiative.

The additional funding will replace aging mechanical equipment, flooring, ceilings, windows, and roofing so the new addition won’t be awkwardly attached to what one contractor described as “a museum exhibit with HVAC.”

Board members reportedly expressed concern about asbestos, prompting the district to reassure everyone that the asbestos would remain on schedule.

Officials emphasized the project is still expected to open on time, noting the only thing expanding faster than the building’s capacity—from 552 to 1,100 students—is the definition of “unexpected costs.”

Residents praised the transparency, saying they’re relieved to know construction projects continue to follow the ancient engineering principle of “We’ll know what it costs once we start taking walls apart.”

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