Most people in Huntley have no idea how much power big production builders have over what gets built—and what quietly gets left out. So let’s talk about it in plain language. I’ll stay away from conspiracy-theory stuff and stick to how incentives work, what that usually means for construction quality, and what you, as a […]
Buying a new home from a large production builder — whether it’s DR Horton, Lennar, Pulte, or any similar company — feels exciting. Everything is brand new. No old wiring, no worn-out roof, no mystery smells, no surprises. At least… that’s the idea. But here’s the uncomfortable truth most homeowners don’t hear until it’s too […]
NEW YORK—In a major breakthrough expected to revolutionize medicine, ethics, and the already unbearable behavior of certain parents at youth soccer games, scientists announced this week they have edited human embryos with unprecedented accuracy, bringing humanity one step closer to eliminating devastating genetic diseases and several thousand steps closer to someone paying $80,000 to make […]
SAN FRANCISCO—In a sobering message to the technology industry, Anthropic warned this week that artificial intelligence companies may need to install a “brake pedal” on advanced AI systems, ideally before the vehicles finish designing faster vehicles, lobbying Congress, optimizing the brake pedal out of existence, and naming themselves interim CEO. The warning comes amid growing […]
SAN FRANCISCO—Explaining that “everything is going great, probably,” executives at a leading AI company announced this week that artificial intelligence is now helping build better artificial intelligence, marking what experts are calling “a thrilling new era in which the toaster has begun sketching designs for a smarter toaster that no longer accepts bread from humans.” […]
CHICAGO—After years of bravely holding the American economy together with DoorDash orders, emergency Target runs, and the occasional spiritually devastating grocery receipt, U.S. consumers are reportedly nearing the point where they may no longer be able to perform their patriotic duty of purchasing name-brand mayonnaise at mortgage-adjacent prices. The warning came after Kraft Heinz CEO […]
WASHINGTON—In a reassuring reminder that America remains a nation of laws, several of which are apparently negotiable in bulk, former national security adviser John Bolton has reportedly agreed to plead guilty to one count of retaining classified information after prosecutors carefully placed the original 18 counts into the federal justice system’s industrial-grade count-reduction machine. Officials […]
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The Year of the AI Boo
Or: How We Learned to Stop Pretending and Start Arguing with the Future There’s a new ritual happening at college graduations. Not the tossing of caps. Not the awkward family photos where someone’s uncle accidentally records twelve minutes of his own forehead. No, this one is newer. A commencement speaker says artificial intelligence… and the […]
There are few sentences in American life more powerful than: “Don’t worry, I know a guy.” That sentence built half the suburbs, most restaurant patios, three suspicious basement bars, and at least one deck currently being held together by optimism and lag bolts. And somewhere inside that sentence lives the entire construction industry. Because most […]
Somewhere deep inside the Constitution, James Madison just sighed and deleted LinkedIn. In a historic step toward “government efficiency,” the IRS has reportedly agreed to permanently stop examining Donald Trump’s taxes — along with those of his sons and company — because apparently the best way to solve concerns about executive overreach is to simply […]
LOS ANGELES — In a sentencing that prosecutors described as “deeply tragic” and Los Angeles residents described as “honestly pretty standard for this zip code,” licensed addiction counselor Erik Fleming was sentenced to two years in prison after admitting he sold ketamine to actor Matthew Perry, including the fatal dose. Authorities confirmed Fleming sold Perry […]
COLUMBIA, SC — In a stunning legal reversal, the South Carolina Supreme Court overturned the 2023 murder convictions of disgraced attorney Alex Murdaugh, prompting millions of Americans to ask the same question simultaneously: “Wait… his last name was basically Murder this whole time?” Legal scholars now admit the justice system may have been “overly influenced” […]
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