SILICON VALLEY—In a bold move to reassure everyone who’s ever forgotten to renew their domain, WordPress.com has unveiled its “100-Year Plan”—a hosting package designed to keep your blog alive well after your family, your business, and possibly civilization itself are gone.
The initiative attracted early adopters like Net Literacy, a nonprofit hoping its online curriculum will outlive empires and trends alike. “This plan gives us peace of mind,” said founder Dan Kent. “Even if the robots take over, at least our site will still be teaching them proper paragraph spacing.”
WordPress described the plan as a “digital legacy fortress,” featuring time-machine backups, trust accounts, and integration with the Internet Archive, ensuring your old “About Me” page remains preserved long after humanity forgets what an “About Me” was.
Insiders confirm that for the low price of a small generational fortune, customers can enjoy a full century of uptime—or, as one engineer put it, “roughly 98 more years than most startups last.”
Critics were quick to point out that the average blog lifespan remains about the same as a houseplant watered twice and forgotten. “It’s touching,” said one analyst. “WordPress has finally figured out how to make eternal hosting for websites no one will visit after week three.”
Still, Kent remains optimistic. “Someday, our great-grandchildren will find our site,” he said, “and immediately click ‘Accept All Cookies.’”
Meanwhile, WordPress says the next version of the plan—The 1,000-Year Legacy Bundle—will come with free cryogenic storage for your login credentials.