LOS ANGELES—In a moment historians are already describing as “peak 2025 energy,” Kim Kardashian revealed on Hulu that she was the mysterious buyer of O.J. Simpson’s spiritually confused Bible, originally gifted by her father, the late Robert Kardashian, during the world’s slowest and most televised car chase.
“So, if anyone wondered who won that O.J. Simpson auction, you best believe it was me,” Kardashian said while unwrapping the artifact like it was a PR box from a skincare brand instead of a sacred text tied to the most polarizing trial of the 20th century.
Witnesses say the Bible audibly sighed.
The book, purchased for $80,276, was the crown jewel of a 97-lot auction that included:
- A replica Heisman Trophy for people who want the vibes, not the credentials,
- A photo signed by Bill Clinton, who said he “totally did not inhale anything at the time the photo was taken,” and
- Two IDs confirming O.J. Simpson did, in fact, have a face and legal ability to drive in the 1960s and ’80s.
Auction officials said the Bible was initially offered to Kim for $15,000, but the executor demanded $150,000—apparently the going rate for premium-grade historical irony.
Kardashian, however, secured it at auction, where bidders fought heroically for the chance to own an object that has both “deep cultural significance” and “the strongest cursed energy outside of Annabelle.”
Inside, Robert Kardashian’s inscription to O.J. reads:
“God loves you… He has a definite plan for your life… He will use you again.”
Scholars remain unsure whether this was meant as spiritual comfort or the first known case of foreshadowing in a notarized legal document.
Meanwhile, proceeds from the auction will help pay off the roughly $117 million Simpson still owed to the Goldman family—finally proving that even in the afterlife, O.J.’s estate runs on the classic American model: debt, memorabilia, and extremely dramatic court orders.
Kim Kardashian has not yet announced plans for the Bible, but sources close to her say it will likely be displayed in her home museum of “Items Connected to Wild Life Choices Made by Men.”
The Bible itself has been quiet, but experts believe that if it could talk, it would politely ask to return to the evidence locker where it feels emotionally safest.