NEW YORK — At its first-ever CEO Investor Day outside South Korea, Hyundai Motors reassured investors that the company remains fully committed to its American workforce — specifically the ones not currently in ICE detention. “Obviously we regret what happened at the Georgia facility,” said Hyundai CEO José Muñoz, flanked by a pair of Boston […]
Author: HC
In a shocking twist of corporate generosity, Amazon announced it will spend more than $1 billion to raise pay and cut healthcare costs for its U.S. warehouse and transportation workers — presumably so employees can finally afford treatment for the back problems they got from working at Amazon. The company proudly revealed that average compensation […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold new interpretation of the First Amendment, the FCC has clarified that “free speech” is now a conditional privilege reserved for Americans who don’t say anything that makes the current administration mad. “Listen, Jimmy Kimmel can say whatever he wants,” said FCC Chair Brendan Carr, polishing a metaphorical baseball bat […]
LONDON — British driving schools report that one in four new drivers are now skipping manual transmission tests, citing the inevitable electric-car future. Meanwhile, the United States responded by announcing that it had already solved this problem decades ago by refusing to learn how to drive properly in the first place. Experts say the UK’s […]
SEATTLE — Local man Chris Johnston shocked the urbanist internet this week when he revealed that his Tesla Model Y, fully loaded with three consenting friends, uses less energy per passenger mile than the light rail train — instantly shattering 50 years of city-planner smugness. “I just wanted to go to the baseball game,” Johnston […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In today’s episode of House of Public Health, former CDC Director Susan Monarez sat down before the Senate HELP Committee and delivered a riveting monologue that would’ve brought down the house at the Kennedy Center—if the Kennedy in question hadn’t allegedly been the one who fired her. Sen. Bill Cassidy, who was […]
TURKEY – Archaeologists and sweaty tourists alike were stunned this week to learn that a 540km hiking trail along Turkey’s Mediterranean coast is basically the world’s first Constitutional Convention—only with more tombs and better sea views. “The Lycians invented proportional representation, built cliffside tombs, and then had the decency to disappear so we could all […]
BOSTON — In a move described by analysts as “the most Google move possible,” marketing guru Neil Patel — now legally rebranded as Steal Patel™ — has announced a revolutionary approach to content marketing: stop creating ideas entirely and simply harvest everyone else’s. At INBOUND 2025, Patel shocked attendees when asked how he promotes his […]
BOSTON, MA — Attendees at INBOUND 2025 were stunned yesterday when marketing guru Neil Patel unveiled his boldest strategy yet: refusing to tell anyone how he actually markets. During a session on AI and LLM optimization, Patel explained that Reddit is one of the best ways to get your content picked up by large language […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump announced today that the White House may begin prosecuting journalists, unveiling what he called “a bold new chapter in law, order, and primetime television.” “Frankly, folks, we’ve been too nice,” Trump said, gesturing toward an ABC reporter who had just asked a question about Attorney General Pam Bondi’s comments […]
You must be logged in to post a comment.