INDIANAPOLIS—In what legal scholars are already calling “the world’s dumbest Spider-Man pointing meme,” Indiana bankruptcy attorney Mark S. Zuckerberg has filed a lawsuit against Meta Platforms for repeatedly banning him on Facebook for “impersonating Mark Zuckerberg.” Despite practicing law under his real name for nearly four decades, Zuckerberg claims Meta’s algorithms have flagged him at […]
Category: HC
SAN JOSE, CA — Financial historians confirmed Tuesday that had Elon Musk never sold PayPal, society would today be living in an alternate timeline where every single human interaction is inexplicably routed through a glitchy “PayPal Checkout” button. According to experts, Musk would have remained CEO, pivoting the company in 2006 from online payments to […]
In a world where skeptics still believe charging an EV requires camping gear and a 4-hour audiobook, one Tesla owner has shattered expectations—and possibly journalism itself—by simultaneously relieving his bladder and juicing up his car. Nate Nieri, 34, was en route to the Jersey Shore when biology struck. Expecting only urinals and vending machines, he […]
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA — In a groundbreaking move that experts are calling “totally new except for every part of it,” Google has unveiled AI Overviews, a revolutionary technology that takes the world’s content, strips out the names of the people who made it, and re-presents it as though it emerged directly from the warm, glowing […]
CHICAGO—A new population breakdown has revealed the shocking discovery that Chicago’s nearly 2.7 million residents are not, in fact, concentrated exclusively inside the Gibson’s dining room or a single 3-block stretch of Michigan Avenue. Instead, officials learned the hard truth: people live all over the city, even in places aldermen only drive through with the […]
CHICAGO—After wandering away from Millennium Park in search of “authentic deep-dish,” 27-year-old tourist Amanda Miller was stunned to discover that Chicago’s 2.7 million residents are not, in fact, all clustered around the Bean waiting to take selfies. Her journey quickly turned into an accidental city-wide anthropology expedition: After six hours, three train lines, two confused […]
In a sweeping new policy shift, ICANN has announced that as of August 21, 2025, your embarrassing WHOIS listings may finally die the quiet death they deserve. For decades, internet users who once filled out the “Organization” field with fake names like “ButtStuff LLC” just to get past the form will be relieved to know: […]
HUNTLEY, IL — Calling it a “strategic time-management decision,” area man Brian Hamilton reported Wednesday that he successfully avoided driving five minutes down the street by instead spending $87.66 on DoorDash for a single Chipotle burrito, a fountain drink, and a mysterious $19 “convenience fee” he swears wasn’t there yesterday. “I just couldn’t justify the […]
In a move that historians are already calling “peak 2025 energy,” former President Donald Trump revoked Kamala Harris’ Secret Service protection Thursday, replacing it with what sources describe as “the goodwill of Los Angeles traffic cops and one very nervous Ring doorbell.” According to a memo titled “This Is Totally Normal, Believe Me”, Trump authorized […]
In what experts are calling “the boldest move since someone tried to copyright the color blue,” the WordPress Foundation has suffered a crushing defeat at the hands of the United States Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO). Their applications to trademark the phrases “Managed WordPress” and “Hosted WordPress” were rejected, on the grounds that… well… those […]
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