NEW YORK — At its first-ever CEO Investor Day outside South Korea, Hyundai Motors reassured investors that the company remains fully committed to its American workforce — specifically the ones not currently in ICE detention.
“Obviously we regret what happened at the Georgia facility,” said Hyundai CEO José Muñoz, flanked by a pair of Boston Dynamics robot dogs who appeared to be scanning the audience for visa overstays. “But we view this as a small hiccup — one we can easily pave over with $2.7 billion in fresh investment capital.”
The plant, dubbed the “Metaplant” (because “Dystopian Battery Hive” didn’t test well with focus groups), will feature an advanced robotics fleet capable of welding, painting, and quietly reporting any suspicious lunch breaks to federal authorities.
Muñoz also revealed Hyundai’s upcoming lineup, which includes:
- Extended-Range EVs — Capable of driving 600 miles or, in Georgia, exactly far enough to escape ICE jurisdiction.
- A Brand-New Gas Pickup — Because nothing says “carbon neutrality” like building the last gas truck anyone will ever buy.
- Hybrid-Driven Strategy for North America — A polite way of saying “We don’t think Americans are ready to plug anything in unless it’s a Traeger grill.”
Investors appeared thrilled by the news, with Hyundai shares climbing 4% on the promise of 3,000 new Georgia jobs, which the company stressed would definitely be filled with humans, “at least until the robots are done with beta testing.”
When asked whether the company had learned anything from the largest immigration raid in U.S. history, Muñoz nodded solemnly.
“Yes,” he said. “We’ve learned to keep the workforce evenly split between citizens and robots. That way, when ICE comes back, production only drops by 50%.”