ANAHEIM, CA — Local Tesla dealerships reported scenes of pure chaos last week as patriotic Americans trampled each other for the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to pay only $52,500 for a Model Y before the federal tax credit expired. Witnesses described the atmosphere as “Black Friday, but for rich people,” with one Orange County dad elbowing past […]
Author: HC
One of the biggest ongoing costs of owning any vehicle is keeping it fueled up and ready for the road. Electric vehicles (EVs) promise lower “fuel” costs since they don’t run on gasoline, but does that really translate to savings for Illinois drivers? The answer: it depends on what kind of EV you bought, how […]
The Prairie Grove Police Department usually has five officers serving its 2,000 residents. But come Friday, Sept. 19, that number will jump to around 50 — all hands on deck to help manage the estimated 20,000 people expected to flood the rural McHenry County town for Luke Bryan’s Farm Tour stop. “We were optimistic we […]
MENLO PARK, CA — Roblox confirmed today that it has permanently banned vigilante groups from its platform, citing their “disturbing” habit of dressing up as digital Batmen, impersonating minors, and luring alleged predators into sting operations that looked suspiciously like Dateline NBC reruns. “We appreciate that some players want to help,” said a Roblox spokesperson […]
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA — In a bold new step to defend its sacred SERPs, Google announced today it is hiring an “Anti-Scraping Czar”, a position tasked with hunting down rogue keyword trackers, scrapers, and anyone who so much as glances too hard at page two of results. “Scrapers are the number-one threat to our business […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what economists are calling “Bring Your Authoritarian Dad to Work Day,” the Trump administration petitioned the Supreme Court Thursday to let the president personally escort Federal Reserve Governor Lisa Cook out of the Eccles Building with a box of her belongings. Trump, who has been aggressively trying to fire people from […]
NEW YORK — At its first-ever CEO Investor Day outside South Korea, Hyundai Motors reassured investors that the company remains fully committed to its American workforce — specifically the ones not currently in ICE detention. “Obviously we regret what happened at the Georgia facility,” said Hyundai CEO José Muñoz, flanked by a pair of Boston […]
In a shocking twist of corporate generosity, Amazon announced it will spend more than $1 billion to raise pay and cut healthcare costs for its U.S. warehouse and transportation workers — presumably so employees can finally afford treatment for the back problems they got from working at Amazon. The company proudly revealed that average compensation […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold new interpretation of the First Amendment, the FCC has clarified that “free speech” is now a conditional privilege reserved for Americans who don’t say anything that makes the current administration mad. “Listen, Jimmy Kimmel can say whatever he wants,” said FCC Chair Brendan Carr, polishing a metaphorical baseball bat […]
LONDON — British driving schools report that one in four new drivers are now skipping manual transmission tests, citing the inevitable electric-car future. Meanwhile, the United States responded by announcing that it had already solved this problem decades ago by refusing to learn how to drive properly in the first place. Experts say the UK’s […]
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