WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move legal scholars are calling “somewhere between performance art and a coupon code for crime,” President Donald Trump quietly pardoned 77 people involved in the 2020 fake electors scheme earlier this month. The pardons, signed on Nov. 7, were posted to X by U.S. Pardon Attorney Ed Martin, who — […]
Author: HC
LOS ANGELES—In a moment historians are already describing as “peak 2025 energy,” Kim Kardashian revealed on Hulu that she was the mysterious buyer of O.J. Simpson’s spiritually confused Bible, originally gifted by her father, the late Robert Kardashian, during the world’s slowest and most televised car chase. “So, if anyone wondered who won that O.J. […]
In a stunning revelation that has rocked workplaces, gyms, and suburban kitchen islands across the country, Americans collectively glanced at their wrists today and discovered a universal truth: It is not lunchtime. It is not meeting time. It is not “pick up the kids” time.It is, in fact, “time to charge your watch.” The discovery […]
With the launch of NKO Club, former Peloton instructor Kendall Toole blends fitness, nutrition and mental health into a holistic platform. In June 2024, Kendall Toole shocked millions of fans by walking away from one of the most visible fitness platforms in the world. Best known for her years as a Peloton instructor advocating for […]
In a dramatic reminder that the entire global internet is apparently held together with a single YAML file and a prayer, massive chunks of the web—including X, ChatGPT, Grindr, Canva, and Downdetector itself—collapsed Tuesday after Cloudflare admitted it pushed an “oopsie-doopsie configuration file” that instantly detonated its own infrastructure. “We apologize to our customers and […]
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—In an exclusive interview delivered with all the calm detachment of a man explaining that gravity might stop working, Alphabet CEO Sundar Pichai warned Monday that if the AI bubble bursts, “every company will be affected, including Google.” Economists, investors, and several dozen crypto influencers immediately fainted. Pichai, whose company’s value has doubled […]
WASHINGTON — In a warm, “extremely productive” meeting at the White House on Tuesday, former President Donald Trump reportedly praised Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman for his “tremendous leadership, incredible hospitality, and absolutely unbeatable follow-through” regarding the killing of journalist Jamal Khashoggi. Trump, who greeted the crown prince with a handshake described by witnesses […]
In a plot twist no one asked for but everyone is somehow invested in, Automattic and WP Engine have escalated their ongoing “Who Actually Owns the WordPress Feelings™” lawsuit into what experts are calling “the most dramatic fight between two companies whose logos are literally just letters.” According to a new counterclaim, Automattic alleges that […]
GURNEE, IL — In what epidemiologists are now calling “the most ambitious crossover event between bronchitis and workplace culture,” the receptionist who began coughing three weeks ago is STILL at it — with the stamina of a Victorian chimney sweep powered entirely by spite and the communal Keurig. Employees report that the cough has evolved […]
MAR-A-LAGO, FL — In a stunning about-face that left even his most loyal followers blinking through red-capped whiplash, former President Donald Trump announced late Sunday that House Republicans should vote to release the long-sought Jeffrey Epstein files — despite having previously called the idea “a Deep State Democrat hoax designed to make billionaires look suspicious.” […]
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