OMAHA, NE — In what experts are now calling “the greatest crossover disappointment since Fortnite x Crocs,” competitive volleyball athletes across the country are baffled that racking up kills in real life does not, in fact, level up their Call of Duty accounts.
“I had 14 kills last match,” said outside hitter Trevor Madsen, staring at his un-upgraded M4 loadout with the exhausted despair of a man who has truly touched rock bottom. “Fourteen. That’s a UAV in any normal universe.”
The confusion began when players noticed the troubling terminology overlap. In volleyball, a “kill” is when you spike the ball so perfectly that the other team doesn’t stand a chance. In Call of Duty, a “kill” is… well, basically the same thing, but with fewer knee pads and more war crimes.
“We just assumed there was synergy,” said libero Jessica Alvarez, who reportedly reached 22 kills in a regional tournament and rushed home expecting at least a new camo skin. “I opened Warzone and I still didn’t have the pink laser sight. What was I even doing all that cardio for?”
Activision has so far declined to comment on the situation, though insiders report the company is evaluating a new crossover mode called “Battle at the Net”, where operators in full tactical gear attempt to serve a regulation volleyball without popping it.
Meanwhile, volleyball coaches nationwide are now bracing for players demanding tactical map callouts during practice.
“Yesterday someone yelled, ‘Rotate left, they’re flanking!’” said Coach Marla Jensen. “They were talking about a JV team from Naperville. They do not flank.”
Still, players remain hopeful.
“I’m not giving up,” said Madsen, stretching his shoulder for the next match. “If I get 20 kills today, that HAS to unlock something.”
Witnesses say: no, it will not.