WASHINGTON—In a bold display of strategic patience and vague optimism, President Donald Trump announced Tuesday that the United States would extend its ceasefire with Iran “until such time as their proposal is submitted, and discussions are concluded, one way or the other,” a timeline experts confirmed translates loosely to “whenever everyone stops being weird about it.”
The extension, reportedly requested by Pakistan—now widely regarded as the world’s most exhausted group chat moderator—comes as both the U.S. and Iran remain fully prepared to resume fighting at a moment’s notice, provided someone first drafts a document everyone can ignore.
“We’re very close to something,” Trump said, standing near a map of the region labeled simply “Complicated.” “They just need to send a unified proposal. Unified. One proposal. Not several. Not confusing ones. A nice, clean proposal. Maybe bullet points.”
Sources confirmed Iran has not yet submitted such a proposal, citing ongoing concerns about what officials described as “unacceptable actions,” including a continued U.S. blockade that diplomats say has added “a bit of tension” to otherwise perfectly normal ceasefire negotiations.
Meanwhile, Vice President JD Vance’s anticipated trip to Islamabad has been placed on hold after aides determined it would be difficult to negotiate peace while also explaining why the ceasefire technically includes a blockade, a concept one official admitted “feels a little ceasefire-adjacent at best.”
Pakistani leaders spent the day scrambling to keep talks alive, reportedly deploying a mix of late-night calls, diplomatic pressure, and increasingly passive-aggressive “Just checking in!” messages to both sides.
At press time, U.S. envoy Steve Witkoff and Jared Kushner were seen arriving in Washington to help coordinate next steps, including drafting a proposal for Iran to submit so the U.S. can review it before asking Iran to revise it into something more “proposal-like.”
Officials on all sides remain cautiously optimistic that progress will continue, or at the very least, that the ceasefire can be extended long enough for no one to have to make the first actual move.