Silicon Valley, CA — In a bold step toward redefining capitalism, Nvidia and OpenAI have entered into a series of perfectly balanced financial feedback loops designed to ensure money never leaves the tech sector again.
The new deals — involving Nvidia, AMD, Oracle, and Elon Musk’s xAI — will collectively inject over $1 trillion into a system where each dollar simply spins faster until it achieves sentience and buys its own H100 GPU.
“Traditional economies depend on production, consumption, and value creation,” said Harvard economist Dr. Paulo Carvão. “The AI economy just depends on convincing money to go jogging in circles until it gets dizzy and falls into Jensen Huang’s pocket.”
The Circular Economy Explained
Under the new arrangement:
- Nvidia invests billions in OpenAI so that OpenAI can afford to buy Nvidia’s chips.
- OpenAI partners with AMD to ensure Nvidia doesn’t get lonely.
- Oracle buys chips from Nvidia to build servers for OpenAI, which then sells AI access back to Oracle, who rents it out to CoreWeave, which in turn leases it to OpenAI again.
- Elon Musk’s xAI then borrows those chips from Nvidia via a special purpose vehicle that also owns a yacht.
Industry insiders are calling it “the world’s first self-sustaining delusion.”
“We Don’t Force Them To Buy Our Chips,” Says Nvidia CEO
When asked whether Nvidia’s investments in startups were intended to drive chip purchases, CEO Jensen Huang replied,
“Absolutely not. They could spend the money on anything. It just happens that the only thing worth buying anymore is Nvidia GPUs.”
He added that the company is exploring other “non-chip-based revenue streams,” such as renting out AI-themed anxiety.
Meanwhile at OpenAI Headquarters
OpenAI CEO Sam Altman, wearing a silver bomber jacket and standing in front of a half-built Stargate-shaped data center, reassured investors:
“Yes, we’re burning through cash faster than ChatGPT can hallucinate a citation. But one day, we’ll be very profitable. Probably right after AGI invents its own accounting department.”
OpenAI’s new Stargate facility in Abilene, Texas, will reportedly be large enough to power “a mid-sized civilization or the world’s largest apology letter.”
Economists Sound Alarm, Get Drowned Out by GPU Fans
Some analysts warn that the AI boom is beginning to resemble the dot-com bubble, but louder.
“Back then, startups bought banner ads from each other,” said Morningstar’s Brian Colello. “Now they buy entire data centers from each other. Progress, I guess.”
Meanwhile, the Federal Reserve has confirmed it no longer tracks inflation — it just watches the price of H100 chips.
Future Outlook
Altman hinted that OpenAI’s next move will be to raise trillions to fund “Phase 3: Global Consciousness,” where the economy and the AI merge into a single omnipotent feedback loop known as GPT-∞.
“Once that happens,” said Altman, “profitability will be irrelevant. So will oxygen.”
At press time, Nvidia was reportedly in talks to acquire the concept of money itself, pending SEC approval and sufficient GPU availability.