WASHINGTON — In a warm, “extremely productive” meeting at the White House on Tuesday, former President Donald Trump reportedly praised Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman for his “tremendous leadership, incredible hospitality, and absolutely unbeatable follow-through” regarding the killing of journalist Jamal Khashoggi.
Trump, who greeted the crown prince with a handshake described by witnesses as “somewhere between a business deal and a blood oath,” assured reporters that the Saudi leader had been “totally exonerated by the very best people.”
“Look, folks, sometimes bad things happen,” Trump said, leaning in with the sincerity of a man upselling a timeshare. “But I talked to MBS, and he told me he didn’t do it. And when a guy who buys that many weapons from you says he didn’t do it, you believe him. That’s just good diplomacy.”
According to insiders, the meeting covered a wide range of issues, including regional security, oil production, and “how to handle annoying critics without getting bad press,” with Trump reportedly taking several notes titled For Future Reference.
The crown prince, for his part, thanked Trump for his continued loyalty, presenting him with a ceremonial sword, a limited-edition gold-trimmed oil barrel, and a coupon for 20% off future geopolitical cover-ups.
White House staffers noted that Trump repeatedly referred to the crown prince as “a tremendous guy, a real friend, and very, very innocent,” before clarifying, “At least until proven otherwise, which we’re never going to do.”
As the meeting concluded, both leaders reaffirmed their commitment to “strengthening the U.S.–Saudi partnership,” which analysts say is diplomatic code for “pretending none of this ever happened.”