In a plot twist no one asked for but everyone is somehow invested in, Automattic and WP Engine have escalated their ongoing “Who Actually Owns the WordPress Feelings™” lawsuit into what experts are calling “the most dramatic fight between two companies whose logos are literally just letters.”
According to a new counterclaim, Automattic alleges that private equity giant Silver Lake handed WP Engine $250 million and whispered, “Go forth and be chaotic.” The company then allegedly responded by violating trademarks, pretending to contribute to open source, and inventing new product names like a toddler playing with refrigerator magnets.
Automattic insists WP Engine began calling itself things like “WordPress Technology Company,” “WordPress Engine,” and “WordPress If You Squint Hard Enough,” confusing customers and making Matt Mullenweg physically curl into a ball every time he heard it.
WP Engine responded that these accusations are “baseless,” adding that referring to WordPress as “WordPress” is “actually a thing normal people do,” and that Automattic should “seek help.”
Private Equity Enters the Chat
Automattic’s filing paints Silver Lake as the shadowy puppet master behind everything, claiming the firm wanted to dress WP Engine up, pump its valuation to $2 billion, and then flip it like a distressed Airbnb rental.
To prepare for that exit, WP Engine allegedly began:
- Pretending to negotiate trademark licenses
- Not contributing 5% to open source
- Creating products like “Core WordPress,” which confused users who previously thought the “core” was “whatever broke during the last update”
Silver Lake, sources say, even made “overtures” to Automattic about buying WP Engine, which Automattic reportedly declined because “life is already complicated enough.”
Meanwhile at Automattic
WP Engine’s original lawsuit accused Matt Mullenweg of “abuse of power, extortion, and greed,” which are three things normally reserved for billionaires with rockets. The conflict escalated so dramatically that over 100 Automattic employees quit on principle, citing “hostile vibes” and “too many Slack notifications.”
Automattic has since denied all wrongdoing, clarifying that asking for eight percent of WP Engine’s revenue was “just a friendly suggestion” and “practically charity compared to what Oracle would’ve charged.”
Experts Weigh In
Legal scholars say this could ultimately reshape trademark law, open-source licensing, and the well-established tradition of tech companies threatening each other while pretending they’re saving the internet.
One analyst summed it up:
“It’s like watching a custody battle where both parents insist they invented PHP.”
What’s Next?
As the legal fight intensifies, industry insiders expect:
- WP Engine to rebrand as “Definitely Not WordPress™”
- Automattic to release WordPress Self-Hosted Premium Deluxe Plus Pro™
- Silver Lake to quietly invest in a new company called WordPresser Engine Technologies, LLC
Court observers remain divided on who will win, but all agree on one thing:
This is the most drama WordPress has seen since someone deleted the default “Hello World” post and everything crashed.